Day # 6 - Lifestyles of a (temporary) Vegan - The Weekend

I made it through the weekend!!!!

(And the crowd goes wild)

Man -- I made it through the weekend!!!! I was really interested in how this thang was gonna work out. Like its all good to eat fruit and berries when your going back and forth to work but when your out and about with friends and family eating twigs just isn't cute. I am proud of myself. I feel like taking a lap around the capitol!

We had a gig on Saturday and the team  went to Ihop. I had wings to the front of me, scrapple to the left of me, bacon to the left of me-  to top it off I was surrounded by PANCAKES . Not a place for a (temporary) vegan. Like that was harder than I thought it was gonna be. And to top it all off I found that my VPIC (Vegan Partner in Crime) had salmon. He claims he didn't know (yeah right). So let me tell you I was ready to just a stack with some oink oink on the side.. Sooo, what did I end up eating you asked?? French Fries and broccoli..................yeah I said French fries and broccoli.Sounds weird. It was. But food non the less. Sidebar for potential future vegans: don't eat that combination! I wont ever do that it - I paid for it later. Lets just say I could have fueled a jet.  

I have been waking up feeling light wanting to just float everywhere. Sing with me  I feel pretty .....oh so pretty...... and well I dont know the rest but u get the point. Thanks for listening -- blogging is helping with the process until we read again.... 

Day # 4 - Lifestyles of a (temporary) Vegan

There is a first time for everything -And who would have thought I would go Vegan - Man I feel great!! Like really great! Body inst sluggish. Mind is fresh. I feel like a new person. Day #4 and I thought it would be harder than it really is. This just takes a little thinking ahead - Did y'all know Target has fresh fruits and vegetables?? I bought some stuff  last night.  (Bathroom Break...................................) Now thats out of the way ... where was I oh yeah - I brought some stuff from the Target last night and left my lunch this morning  :(  Blown. gotta get up earlier .I didn't get a chance to workout yesterday evening like I had hoped. But lunch time today looks promising.


Amish market here we come. Going to get me some fruits and veggies -- see what creative recipes  they have. Multi vitamins and protein shakes and bars -- the possibilities are endless. Just so u know. I am not trying to turn into a super woman. Minister Boone once Preached a sermon called "Ugly - Do something about it"  it basically said that if you were dissatisfied with life or the things around your environmental then you should do something to change it. Ans straight up with out questions all this fat is ugly. Yeah I said. Fat is ugly. We could go on and on about how you should feel great no matter what size you are and beauty comes  in different shapes and sizes. But if u realllllllly look at it; being out of breath when u walk up some stairs, not finding the contemporary dress in your size , having high blood pressure and hypertension and diabetes and all the other ailments that is a direct derivative of being over weight is just plain ugly. We gotta stop fooling ourselves and saying hey love me or leave me. I am gonna love you but you might be leaving earlier than u like cause you could say no to that extra slice of carrot cake (Yum!) Right now I watching my mother come home every other day from dialysis - shes week, speaks extremly soft and is on a super strick diet - it breaks my heart to see her go thru this. Its not a pretty a pretty picture to say the least. . And shes waaay smaller than I am.


I have been some form of "thick" my entire life so i am always gonna have curves. Right now I am looking to just have less of them lol. What size do I wanna be? how much do I wanna weigh?? I don't  know. I'll know what that looks like when I get there. And until then I will be on this path of healthy living. I am probably gonna give upp, gain weight and start all over again but thats just a part of the journey. I don't know how I got off on this tangent I guees It was something that I needed to say. 


Now hold your salad field forks int he air and lets make a toast to healthy eating. 
Bon Apetite! 

Day # 3 - Life styles of a (temporary) Vegan

This is what I have been eating so far..................

Okay so its day # 3 of this vegan life style and I am hungry.... well not really but I am. Its hard to explain;  I know I have eaten but feel like I haven't or just ate a littke - I guess I am looking for that "full" feeling which isn't happening. For the past couple of days I have only eaten fruits and vegetables - I am really not that hungry... just want a steak :) . Its probably more of a mental thing than anything. I realize that it takes planning and preparation or u will be hungry. Because I was tired of just eating juices and berries - I woke up this morning and made rice, spinach, plantains and I had some asparagus already cooked in the refrigerator. I also packed a huge apple and these organic breakfast bars, which I have to say aren't so bad after all, two pieces of whole wheat bread and a mixture of almonds and sunflower seeds.... It should be a good day.   If you are the faint at heard or a have a light stomach u might not want to read on.... Okay so why didn't anyone tell me how REGULAR I was going to be ?!?! Like come on!! 3 and 4 times a day? Are you serious?? I was sitting in rehearsal like ooooo gotta go go go (as my grandmother would say). Woke up this morning and had  to go again.... whhhhaaaaatttt? Lets just say my system is clean <3 But on the other hand I feel great. I have some sort of energy that I havent had in a while. So much so I think that after work I am going to go downstairs and get on that thing they call the elliptical and work out for like a half an hour or so. See what happens :)

Going Vegan - why?!?

Sooo I have decided to go vegan for 21 days.. Why you ask?!? Well a friend of mine wanted to do it with him. And since I like the way his braces look against his teeth I said okay :) 


WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!!?!?! You don't eat no meat? You don't eat no meat... its okay we'll have lamb. I really don't know but I am gonna give this thang a shot. I think the hardest part is going to be me finding things to eat when I am out and about. No more fast food stops for me... nope just fake meat and veggies. Does he know I am a Nigerian? -- we eat everything!! I callled my sisters and told them one just started laughing, the other said ,why would you go and do that!?! Hopefully I loose some weight in the process .. As a matter of fact I am going to weight myself today and again in 21 days to see if anything has changed. Mabey my pants will be a little looser or my face will be a bit skinner. Since I am gonna starve why not add some work out to these 21 days. At least if I pass out I will look good ! Dietary supplements and smoothies will get me thru this I know! There is this wedding next year that I want to look cute for - I am tired of being the "fat friend". SO here's to weight loss! The vegan eating life style and being healthy! Bon Appetite! 

That's  me enjoying a Cosi's Steak TMS sandwich which I cannot eat  because I am a temporary vegan !!! 

(okay sikan u can relax breathe in breathe out)

A day in the life....of a fat gurl

oooh hes cute

 dark

 chocholate

 and thick 

just like i like em

oh my hes walking over

hello i say softly he approaches 

i look deeply in his eyes hanging on to his every breath 

anticipating the next words

how are u -----fine 

Whats your name

Simone

I am Eddie

......Eddie wants to get to know my best friend

damn it happend again 

a day in the life of big gurl

i am the dude's best friend

a hommie never the lover friend

do u have these in another size 

you see i be having trouble with my thigh

nope u dont i understand my friend

fashion is only made for the thin

its just another day in the life of a fat gurl

they think there complimenting u when they say 

ur cute for a big gurl 

as if cute only comes in one size

i have had this complex for awhile it just that 

todays the day i had to talk about it

i am tired of hearing you nice and all 

but i think were better off as friends.......

Swine - An Owe to Love

Stop this thump in my heart

The feeling that I pushed away

Acted as if it never exsisted and now its back 2 stay.

I don't understand why or even know how it got here. But its back to stay.

Stay for sometime.

I don't know how long or even why its back.

What did I do to deserve it. …..But It just hurts.

Hurts so much I wish it would just die!

Its… its like a a piece of me Is broken-and-gone but now this piece of me is back and now it hurts

Dreams of your smile and that stupid laugh

I… I wanted….I wanted you to stay.

I love you…………… Didn't meant to tell you to leave......

--Sikan

Heartbreak hurts. But what hurts more is selling yourself short and doing nothing about it.

Mozambique

 Am I this desperate 4 love??

Am I in a single relationship?

No one has time for any one?

Conversations r minimal....

We go to the couch 4 a date.....

Wait.... what page r we on?

So when do I get 2 see you?

Great sex - cold sweats..........

 and then I am back 2 being lonely again?

I am in a single relationship......

Beautiful Dreamer

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,

Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;

Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,

Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd a way!

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,

List while I woo thee with soft melody;

Gone are the cares of life's busy throng,

--Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea Mermaids are chanting the wild lorelie;

Over the streamlet vapors are borne,

Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,

E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea;

Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

--Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

(written for me - apparently i fall asleep on the phone a lot)

Unspoken

I read this somewhere and I thought about it for a second and it soooo true. 


To leave tru love unspoken its the quickest way 2 a heavy heart.

A Mistake

The pulse of her emotions flat line as she hears him speak

There he goes again talking the same ole shit

Do is take this for us to be together

You say tomato I say potato

Lets just call this stupid

I mean really are u serious – where is it exactly do they do that?

Cause if you think for one sec I am gonna …..

Oh wait he said something just made a little bit of sense

Hummm never thought about that.

Ummmmmm ahhhhhhh

Yup nope thought he was saying something different

But selfishness always seems to come to come and show its ugly head

You see it can’t be ignored – like the smell of processed kibble and bits on ur shoes……..

Its two am as I sit here at the feet of a best sister girl friend.

I go back and forth on how things were and what things that we did

‘Cause I am trying to figure it all out

She helping to get to understand what just went down

Trying to get me to see that I just didn’t suck

I am so confused about what we were and what went down

And then in the middle of conversation she sums up a year and a half with just two words

A Mistake……(she keeps talking but I cant hear anything but ) .…. A Mistake.…. A Mistake .…. A Mistake .…. A .......Mis......take.…. 

Hummm she may be on to something?!? What was I thinking

Me make a misstate?? Of course not… A year and half mistake??

you were kind  - had a beautiful smile – for goodness sake

Sexy milk chocolate skin and lick-able teeth

U couldn’t have been a mistake – I don’t make those…..

But Honestly……. She was right.

And then it hit me.

A mistake…. Really could I really have thrown a year and a half down the drain

(I mean at 29 I really don’t have that much time)

A mistake I laughed so hard when I realized that she was right

You see I could have be wrong bout you and I --- like

I thought we could have made it.—You were the one who said forever

That we couldn’t make it

The cold sweats and deep breaths made me over look the mistake

U ignore I scream this has gotta be a freaking dream

But I am awake and realize what we had was just a mistake…..

A thought

Today I though about u.
the possibility of something new.
the unknown brought a smile to my face
i felt like i was 6 six again.
.....................my ears hurt (from all this stupid smiling)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Frustration sets like wet concrete
Anger stirs like fresh gossip
Emotions move like a fish out of water
I understand nothing
And become a rookie at the game
This conversation reminds me of what i dont want
But I stand here asking for it
Simplicity has no meaning
And theres no place for feelings
Yet I stand here.........

Knock Knock

Knock!  Knock !

Who is it ??

A familiar face at the door

Knock! Knock!

It's my heart skipping a beat

Maintain your composure!..... don't trip!

Its the bash-full smile that moves acrooss his face

and my lashes cant help but to follow

Your fragrance flirts with the air

I breath in

Soooo whats for dinner?!?

i think i broke his heart today

i told him he shouldn't stay
and now hes crying his heart out to me
and i just dont know what i am feeling
life has a way of bringing people into your life
when I saying goodbye to one
I was saying hello to another
yet somehow some way I am asking him to leave
thousands of miles seperates....
and bodies of waters seperates....
our hearts physically
yet hes right here next to me.


i love him dont you see
hes what i have been wanitng
and what i have been needing
and everything i have been looking for
yet i want him to leave
hes pouring his heart out to me
when i close my eyes his are what i see
smile
chin
cheecks
grin


i can hear him say my name
like the smell of sweet perfume
his heart cryies out to me
i love him dont you see
i am half empty again
and he has the rest of me
days and nights go by
and he.....
he's on the other side of the water


i love him dont you see yet hes crying his heart out to me
how can it be
that he has my heart living oceans away
too many fairtail stores of love and life
i wasnt looking for him
he was looking for me
such a sad day
turn into our love eternity
cant you hear him
hes crying his heart out to me
i love him cant you see
i love him cant you see

Insecure (I am not really sure if thats a good title)

See it’s the frustration that sets like wet concreat

The agonizing cry of lambs

Even the strong werestly with the fact

They aren’t good enough

Am I too big, he wont like me, he cant possible love me
I gotta make sure my bang fall just right

It’s midnight man with the napoleon complex who finds wrong in everyone else

Hes the successful stock broker whos sperm donor was never around

But they both always  seems to be found amongst the ladies

I smilling but I am slowly drowning into this place where I dwell with my thoughts

He sees the world thru the eyes of a beaten and aboused child

So he can’t help it help it - hes always on defense

See he's just  trying to make in this cold cold world of 
“everythings gonna be okay - eveythings gonna be okay"
 ....when it really isn’t

I suck sometimes – cant get right and I keep screwing up. 
But u know what its all right.

It’s the women who only wants her man

You’ll catcha that in a moment

He can't commit and  u need commitment 
.........the grass is always greener

Theres something inside her that blocks the thought of realizing that

He belongs to someone else

Its hard to fight with yourself
Trying to forulate the words in the correct order
so that the outsiders will understand
whats inside
 I look to find that peace of mind
where there is peace in my mind


When you've heard your crazy a thosand of times
Somehow you become crazy in your own mind
I am not good enough
trying to reach that mark
contentment is my peace of mind. 

(I am not done yet.... )

Its Starting to Rain

(I wrote this for a friend who was having a hard time finishing one of his songs. It was raining outside when we were talking. He was in Michigan and I was in DC. But I wanted to be in Michigan.... I wanted to be with him…..)

Its Starting to rain Dreary outside

The sky so blue And then I turn and look

at he eyes that makes me smile

And I know its starting to rain

Feel me when I say

Its starting to rain

Hold me close and tell me ur mind

Cause its starting to rain